My Affirmation for the week…
I find this week, that after choosing my affirmation to meditate on, and corresponding scriptures, that I feel a distance. Now mind you, me and menopause are having a tenacious relationship. One in which my internal being tends to bristle and rage.
Now as I desire to draw into God, I feel a separation. A sense of intolerance, of being overwhelmed by those around me, has once again infiltrated. So I struggle. None of this is my business. I need to stay in the day, heck! I need to stay in the moment.
My friend tells me I’m not as bad as I feel I am right now, but…Honestly, it does not feel good inside. I feel frenetic and static, as if I want to crawl out of my own being. I feel rage simultaneously with the desire to bawl!
Gotta say, it is great to be me!!
So, back to this feeling of seperation. So I must determine why this has occurred. There are things going on that are not exactly in line with what would be God’s will…and I know that this will most definately stunt my ability to commune with the Father.
I am in resentment that there are two individuals that I believe have decided that I need to submit to them. This has brought out the rebellious side of me in excess. I have caught myself actually saying to a friend, that I only submit to God and my husband, and if these people believe I will submit to them they have another thing coming.
So what is all of that? I’m justified you say? Nope, not so. These are simply:
1. Murmuring and complaining
Sins, one and all.
Then there is this time I am spending with my friend. Sometime the two of us indulge in judgements and criticisms of others. Way too much I must add. I must say that the last several months I have separated myself from her, conversations and visits, because I feel wrong engaging in these things with her. It really is quite simple, I even begin to judge her. The gossip about and the judging of others begins, quite rapidly to become an attitude.
I am finding quite a distaste for who I am with certain people. Ahhh! I feel another transformation coming on. So I must press in. Deny the emotions that are attempting to take over in me. Truly, I am weary of anger, rage, resentments and depression. Yet fighting them causes fatigue to…so as my friend says…
When you’ve done all you know to do, Stand!
My affirmations, once again:
Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source, God. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity, our God.
In the last few weeks I have had dreams and ideas for art and poetry, yet I have not done anything about them. I have not felt confident, or artistic. I have not felt happy or creative, even as these things came to me in my night and day dreams. Even as I have felt the Spirit come to me with the desires of the Creator.
So as I sit here, close to the tears that come when one realizes they almost lost something vital in their lives. I pray the scripture that I received…Hebrews 7:19