Healing…What is blocking me?

For me healing means a tremendous amount of work. It is a good thing God is bigger than anything I can spring on Him! So I have asked for healing. I have claimed my healing! I know that this healing has been provided, yet I sit here with aches and pains. Depression swirling within and wonder why I am not healed. So why do I feel like I am in limbo…do Born Again Christians even have a limbo?…

Each morning in my e-mail I get a devotional. I don’t always read it, however, of late it has been quite timely. So I will share a couple of exerpts that hit the areas I have been questioning…

From: A New Things Ministry – Kim Potter

I have often seen people stand in faith for healing for their bodies.  They stood and stood and finally the Lord revealed to them that they had bitterness or unforgiveness in their heart.  Once they repented and released those emotions – their healing quickly came.  I have seen this take place over and over.

It seems to me that I continue to roll around to bitterness, resentments and unforgiveness. O’ how this part cannot be finished yet, I really do not know! I have to continue to put these things down, give them to God, leave them at the cross. I have worked hard on forgiveness. Whenever, in the last three years, I have stopped at a crossroad in my life, my walk, my healing, these things are the block.

Forgiveness Crossroads

Forgiveness Crossroads

I stand at a crossroad here, not really knowing where the block is, this time. These are pervasive, these resentments. The angry little 5 year old,

My angry inner child

My angry inner child

 stands with me, listing each reason I have to remember these things. What was done, who did it and why I must remember, as if that would keep it from happening again. The adult me knows perfectly well that they cannot do these things again.

So I choose to forgive…I choose not to dwell, well lil’ A is not happy about any of that! However, and shhh…lil’ A knows nothing about this, but I see her this way, very soon…

At Peace...

At Peace...

Trust me peace is not lil’ A’s way. So I battle what is familiar, continually. So here I go, again. I will forgive, I will do my level best to a good daughter, sister, family member. I will continue to claim my healing and resist the urge to indulge in anger and depression.

The task for yesterday was to use a particular phrase as a mantra…In my last post.

Treating myself as a precious object will make me strong!

Since no one in my childhood treated me as precious…I don’t really know how to do anything but repeat this mantra to myself…I became strong [on the outside] in a much different way…

when I was this size and age I was virtually on my own…didn’t trust the adults…couldn’t

She's gone now...

She's gone now...

but like it says…she is gone now. Hopefully she’s safe and happy.

I will continue to Look Up…where my strength originates. With the Lord.



2 thoughts on “Healing…What is blocking me?

  1. What a beautiful website– God has blessed you. Life Recovery is something else- somedays it feels almost unbearable but then there is that one moment of PEACE! Thanks for sharing your insights….

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