…is my interest in my own Character?

Redemption Freedom

Redemption Freedom


My dilemma is this; will the work I do on improving me deliver me?

My devotional today says no.

Oswald Chambers says: This

So back to my dilemma. Monday is set aside for what I call “Andrea improvement day”. The title amuses my sponsor. Not me, I named it out of animosity. I find it increasingly hard to focus on the “what is wrong with me” thing, while hearing God say ” Fearfully and beautifully made”.

So what to do?  I have confided in my friend and sponsor that this has become a concern of mine.  She understands, however, does not say much about it.  Belonging to AA for so long ingrains a routine that is vital to the alcoholic. Me, being a different kind of alcoholic, I feel as though I fit differently into the group. My sponsor says I am “recovered”.  I fit, but I am one of those really odd shaped pieces, you know the ones, the triangley shaped one with the round knobby thing to one corner.

Oswald Chambers says: ” the gospel of God should be realized as the abiding Reality.”

The redemption message of the gospel tells me I have been redeemed and freed of all of these maladies.  Yet my programs (we work a few) tell me I must always focus on being free of these maladies! These Character defects.

Some believe that AA’s view of  a higher power gives the person too much room to create a God that fits the person’s needs. Or better, into the understanding of the person. God is so much more than our human understanding permits!

This, I find, is the problem with programs, self-help, enlightenment seminars, even some of the Spiritual seminars. It limits God to a box, an understanding within a group. Now how does that fit with the “two in agreement” scripture?

Matthew 18:19 

19 “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.

If everyone in AA agrees that God’s existance is according to each individual’s “understanding” of Him, then two will never be in agreement.

Does this not mean that because they all have individual understandings that none are in agreement? Therefore, assuring that an understanding of God cannot be given to them.

Or…and maybe worse…

Does that mean, that because they come into agreement that God is according to each individual’s understanding that God is limited, always in their lives?

My dilemma… I choose not to limit God in my life! Therefore, I can abide only what the gospel, and the rest of the bible says for that matter, says about me and my situations.

Chamber’s devotional for today ends this way: ” God cannot deliver me while my interest is merely in my own character.”

I do not want to become more desirable in my own eyes, or in the eyes of  others. I desire to be desirable in the eyes of the Father, alone.

I believe. No, I know that the reality of the Gospel of Jesus Christ has become more pronounced as my reality. There are those around me who believe I am slacking. And some who see me as crazy. While others, still, see my characters flaws, and believe I am full of it.

Well, while I am relying on the Word of God, I will say this…the bible says, actually Jesus says,

John 15:19-21 

19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me.

So off I go, to be productive somehow…With the dilemma of not hurting those I love, while I choose God, over their understandings. I will remain in the rooms of AA because I learn there a way to conduct myself in a godly manner. They think similiar to the way I think, and when I am out of sorts it is there that God speaks through my fellows. My group, blessedly, is a God group. There is not alot of animosity or tension when God, the Son, is spoken of. So, I am blessed.

Isn’t that always the way of our loving Father? To guide me to the correct room of AA fellows, who use His Word to stay well. I trust they will find, those that have not yet, I should clarify, that the rooms are for sharing the knowledge of God and the Redemtion of Jesus. Not just a place to focus on the flaws of their past sins of  drinking.





One thought on “…is my interest in my own Character?

  1. This something I so needed to come across, and I am so thankful to God that I did. I mean the quote from Oswald Chambers that “God cannot deliver me while my interest in merely in my own character”. I can’t tell you how much God has ministered to me through these few words. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Your sister in Christ Jesus,

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