Health ~ Physical Health is the Next Focus
My journey to Health has graduated to the next focus. For years I have been on the quest for Mental and Emotional health. Of late I have felt led by the Holy Spirit to stop focusing so much on the who and why of Me.
Once again there has been a definative shift ~ felt deep within. Then suddenly I felt the weight of my physical being!
It has become increasingly difficult to breath, again!
My obesity has been a constant problem since my seconds son’s birth ~ 22 years ago. I have tolerated the slow increase. I consistently bought bigger clothing, at first amused by the fact that the numbers were set up to trick a girl into not facing her size ~ for real. One of society’s neat little tricks to be “fair” and not make one feel “bad” about themselves. Well from the mouth, so to speak, of a morbidly obese woman, let me tell our society that:
1. We still feel bad about our weight.
2. The “fairness” and “pc” ideal only allows some of us to remain in denial about our health issues.
3. Those of us who are not delusional and knew we were fat all along, realize your disdain and pity, in fact it is evident!
In my view Obesity is not and never has been an “illness”. I will admit it seems to be a heredity thing ~ however, healthy is something we must maintain.
Honestly, my obesity simply compounded over the years (no pun). Living with financial constraints made it hard to eat healthier, sometimes. And then there was the total acceptance from my sweet and wonderful husband. He never said one word, in 20 years, about my weight. He refers to me as “Doll” or “Beautiful” every day. Yes, everyday of that 20 years, to my best recollection!
So I was able to ignore the danger I was heading for!
My fault. Now I feel it. I feel my abdomin sitting atop my lap. I feel my lungs struggling to breath (28 years of smoking did not help this either). Thankfully I have been a non-smoker for going on 4 years. I feel my joints aching. I feel the fatigue of carrying around 100 or so pounds too many! I feel my chest hurting after any, minor, exertion (like walking across the room!). I feel the tightening of my clothes!
I don’t feel well.
Apparently the mental and emotional garbage has been put to the curb. I rejoice at the thought. After over 3 long years, I believe that God has removed from me the dredges of the tragedy that was my childhood. I know that God has replaced my human and earthly father, yet I love my dad. I know that God has taught me to deal more healthily with my mom, and I can be hurt by her and love her anyway. Things in the emotion and mental arena’s of Hopeannfaith’s life have been put on solid ground and are now managable. Even if they are not fully dealt with.
So onto the next phase! I do not intend for this one to take 3+ years! In that time I have come to the knowledge that my healing has already been provided! Therefore this will only take as long as I decide it will take.
I remain in prayer. I force, and I say force because the things that didn’t seem to effect me, even 4 months ago, have become difficult and painful, to move. To walk across the room, to walk to the mailbox… God has been whispering “Walk” in my ear for more that 1/2 a year! I have begun to be obedient.
Then there is the change in my eating! A girl who likes food…not sweets and junk…full on steak and potatoes, I now don’t feel well after I eat. Recently, in the last few months, I’ve made an effort to not eat after 7pm-ish. We, as a family, have always had a very late dinner schedule. Often between 8 and 9 pm, due to my husband’s work schedule.
Yet, suddenly, since I began the effort to eat earlier, if I eat later I don’t feel well the rest of the night. I actually suffer with abdominal pain sometime if I eat too late.
Since I do not have insurance at this time I have decided to begin with dietary changes and a slow increase of exercise. I have begun to keep a journal of what I eat each day. I have been brutally honest with this and it really doesn’t appear that bad:
Tuesday: I had coffee with cream, my vitamins and Ibuprophen for breakfast. I know 🙂 but I had a head ache! A salad with chicken cutlet, seltzer, coffee, a string cheese and a cup of fruit coctail, for lunch. A snack was cheerios with banana and strawberries. Dinner was brown rice and winter vegetables. Bedtime was oatmeal with berries and banana.
Wednesday was much the same…except at 3:30 I had chicken stromboli. Dinner was cottage cheese, chicken with brown rice. My snack was a Caramello candy bar. By bedtime I did not feel well again.
My plan is to see each thing I put in my mouth for a week. Document each time I do not feel well in association to eating and go from there. I intend to make serious and beneficial changes in my life. I purpose to be well, to have the energy and healthy drive that I should have had all along.
Oddly, I anticipate this to be a positive experience. I expect God to step in with my healing as I walk obediently in this path He has now put me on.
To enhance this quest of mine I put together healing scriptures in prayer form; Divine Health. Hit the link and check them out. They have had a profound effect upon my thinking in reference to Divine Health.