When father and mother forsake me…the Lord receives me. Ps27:10
When the work is done we will find ourselves home…
A dental appointment brought to me some resentments. Because the work, which involves my front teeth, cannot be done until the finances are gathered. So because I must wait for a need, once again, I began to resent my parents.
Appalled, I proclaimed within me that I am an adult and this has nothing to do with my childhood! So why is it that I become angry in this situation? Ah, what I would give for a degree in psychology right now! And so it is.
I battle once again with resentment. I know the money will come and the need will be met and my sparkling smile will once again beam.
As I paged through my scriptural prayer books I came across overcoming feelings of abandonment.
I’ll admit I feel as though I was abandoned by both parents simultaneously when my father left. My dad left physically and my mother left mentally and emotionally. I have often times pondered the question of whether my mother, narcissist that she was/is, had her children to keep her husband. As well as, to have people, who were compelled, by her sacrifice to give them life, to love her. Ah, but the answer will never be known, and what if it was answered? Would that bring closure or intensify resentments?
Somethings should remain unanswered.
Anyway, back to the abandonment prayer. It spoke to me. I cannot answer why a dental issue brought me to this particular work to be done. Maybe because the things most children have taken care of by loving parents were not taken care of for my siblings and I. Maybe because, now as I need some assistance I resent not being able to rely upon my family, like others are able to. Maybe all of it…but, again, why?
So I will do the work needed here remembering that all my needs are met by my Father God. That He will bring to right all those things that need righting. So I pray …
When father and mother forsake me, the Lord receives me. Father now I am Your child. When others leave me and I feel unloved, I am thankful that You never, ever leave me alone or reject me. I am thankful that Jesus gave His life for me and called me His friend. He lives in my heart, and I am on my way to heaven. That is plenty to be thankful for. WhenI am lonely or discouraged, I will think of things that are pure and holy and good, even when I am feeling apart from everyone.
Father God, I thank You that You strengthen me and help me while in the presence of these dangerous thoughts of resentment surrounding me. You have assigned angels who will accompany, defend and preserve me in all my ways of obedience and service. I thank You that I am not alone. Your Word says that there is nothing that can seperate me from the Love of Christ ~ not pain, not stress nor persecution. I will come to the top of every circumstance or trail through Jesus’ love.
Father, You are concerned with the smallest detail that concerns me and You are my help. I thank You for Christian friends and counselors who will encourage and help to guide me.
I thank You Father for teaching me how to trust and to be a friend. Thank You for guiding me in my walk in Your love. AMEN.